Holly T. Ashley

Oh? Did I type that outloud?

Mean Menapausal – Week 1

Star Wars - Darth Vader

Star Wars – Darth Vader (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Diary of a mean menopausal woman

Day.. OK – so it’s been a week – sue me!

 

Why is it so easy to go “to the dark side?” My mind wanders to a scene in Star Wars where Darth Vader tries to convince Luke that life on the Dark Side is a better life – that it is easier… that is true. It would be easier to just give in and go to the dark side, crawl into a hole and pretend like life doesn’t exist and everyone is bad and we are safer under the covers in our homes… and as I fight my depression my mind wanders through that grandiose fight for his life – that forever embedded in our minds: light savor scene and  I wonder – “Why don’t I fight like Luke?”

 

I see it like this – mid-life is where women struggle to adapt to the reality of losing their mind – their body – their kids, their “life as they knew it” and sometimes their husbands – and as they begin to wonder if their soul is really safe at all… decisions are made.

 

Sometimes the decisions are made to not make a decision at all – and that is where the walls of depression and anxiety are formed.

 

My mind struggles with my heart which is like the Darth Vader of my life – the Bible warns us to not trust our hearts, that our hearts are wicked.

 

My mind is like a jigsaw puzzle that someone threw on the ground for me to put together – but there is a time limit on putting it all together it has to be before the next thought or the next situation or circumstance arises because if not – the next puzzle gets dumped on the ground – ON TOP OF the other puzzle.. And there I am… on the ground, sorting out the pieces of my life….

 

That is where my heart comes in and like a hunter practicing for his best shot – tosses my feeling up in the air like a skeet then blows them into fifty-million bits and pieces to fall on the floor – on top of  all the puzzle pieces….

 

 And that is when I want to cry.

 

But not before someone comes to me, kneels down beside me and asks: “When’s dinner?”

 

 A decision is born….

 

So, this is life at almost 50 … hmmmm. I wanna go back!

 

To do it all again? Oh lordy – NO! I take it back!

 

When does this end? What if it doesn’t? Will I finally cross over to the “Dark side” and be done with it?

 

Thankfully I know that God says no. We won’t. Once He has us we are His, eternally – Now with that being said – even our eternal life decisions can affect our eternal reward in glory (but that is another blog for another day)…

 

The Bible promises us that God gave us a “sound mind.” That He gives us “Power” that He gives us “Strength.” That we “CAN DO all things in Him”…

 

Even though we have to go through this season of weeds… If we work hard at picking the weeds out one by one, we can go back and prepare our garden to plant.

 

Don’t you hate it when you get half way through a row of weeds and the rain clouds gather…

 

Then you feel the drops of rain…

 

Then you can look back and see that they are starting to pop out of the ground where you’ve already been….

 

 A decision is born.

 

Deep sigh. “God’s Mercies are new each day.”

 

 Day 2-5

 

Diary of a Mean Menopausal woman

 

Yeah, well, Monday was a great day – Got on the treadmill. After that, I chose to be a bear.

 

I am so sick and tired of people walking through our door and wanting to ride on my husband’s coat tails, but not invest in their own businesses.

 

You know, here’s the deal – We opened a gym, provided you with all the equipment you will ever need, pay the light and electric bill, put a ton of freaking money into advertising and marketing….

 

You pay rent. That’s it. Write me a check and I’ll give you a key.

 

You run your business, at your hours, get your own clients, charge whatever you want, come when you want and train in whatever style you want.

 

Our rules?

 

Don’t use God’s name in vain and no F-Bombs Don’t steal clients and no inappropriate attire.

 

Yeah it’s tough. I’ve managed to piss of a lot of people this week.

 

Why is it that when I go to pick the weeds – more instantaneously sprout back up????

 

I chose the dark side this week.

 

I made it to Thursday before I took my husband to happy hour at our favorite Mexican food spot by our house – they have great margaritas.

 

I had to get there before happy hour ended so I could order the ½ price items….

 

Two margaritas later….

 

Ok, so you know the rest of the story.

 

By Friday I had yelled at my Dr., via email about my lack of HRTs – while he was explaining that there was an order at his office for me to pick up…. Oops.

 

Apparently I have a wicked thyroid… ?

 

And I was asked by my sweet, wonderful hubby if I could please not ruin his Friday….

 

 A decision was born.

 

I went shopping, got a pedicure, haircut and …

 

Wow! Look at the time!

 

I Just finished Saturday’s brutal David Ashley boot camp – and I’m happy to say I finished! And I’m not dead!

 

Gotta run – I’m getting my hair colored today.

 

Oh and don’t trip when you walk across the floor of my life this weekend… you’ll just have to scoot all those puzzle pieces to the side, I’ll deal with them later… the skeet droppings???? Oh! That’s just confetti!

 

 Today, I chose truth over my heart!  🙂

 

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One comment on “Mean Menapausal – Week 1

  1. Teresa
    September 21, 2013

    hang in there baby… I feel ya!

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