Oh, did I type that outloud?
Proud Submissive Wife
I am proud to call myself a submissive wife. I am even more elated when I hear my husband tell others that he has a submissive wife.
In this modern-day America, that seems to be a dirty title to hold. Women protest submissiveness as an out-of-date term used to oppress women. My advice to them is take a harder look at what the Biblical definition of submissive means – then take a close, hard look as to what you have become.
A biblical look at submission is to look at the relationship between God and his church. Jesus gave himself up to a humiliating life here on earth – to be crucified on behalf of sinners who did not even stand by him in his darkest hour.
To give grace and mercy to the undeserved. To extend love beyond comprehension. To grant freedom from traditions and laws that no man could possibly attain. Knowing that only a sliver would accept that grace and love Him back. Christians are those who submit to Jesus, not because we are loving – but because He loves us.
Women who are not submissive to their spouse do not love him. Unsubmissive women do not love Jesus: “If you loved me you would keep my commandments” (Jn. 14:15).
Submission is the confidence of knowing that my husband has my back, the ability to understand that he loves me in spite of myself and all my gigantic flaws. That he is accountable for me, our children, our family, and knowing the weight of that responsibility requires my unwavering support. He needs my prayers, my trust, my overwhelming, unconditional love in times of struggle not just triumph. My exhortation, encouragement, time, energy and dedication when things look bleak, unsteady, or simply overwhelming.
Submission to his position as head of household – regardless of whether we believe he has met that responsibility or not – requires strength to understand that there are times when my words are not necessary – “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike” (Proverbs 27:15). Strength to pitch in when he needs my help (Proverbs 31:15). Strength that requires me to close my mouth and fold my hands instead (1 Peter 3:1).
It takes a tremendous amount of strength to be submissive. To not give in to the temptation to believe that I am not recognized for being a woman. I know where my recognition comes from – or maybe consider this woman: You desire praise, but are you praise worthy? You desire affection, but are you affectionate? You desire unconditional love, but does your love come with conditions?
It takes a strong woman to not buy in to the lies of this world of thinking I deserve to be treated as an “equal” when God has given me a crown and His seal that says I deserve so much more than equality… For I am a woman of God, hand crafted, specially designed, a first of her own species who is powerful because she knows where her power comes from.
A woman who is submissive is a powerful force. She is meek – The biblical meaning of meek is “controlled power” she hides this power in her heart – it is her source of strength and His name is Jesus.
Through Christ alone, she is strong enough to say no to un-biblical thoughts. She is strong enough to dress, act, and speak with wisdom, strength and beauty: “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control” (1 Tim. 2:9). She is strong enough to work with “willing hands” (Pr. 31:13), She laughs at the future (Pr. 31:25) – because she knows she’s got this, because her steps have been ordained and planned out for her (Pr. 16:9).
She is strong enough to say NO.
No to “friends” who think women are oppressed. No to “girls night,”or cleverly designed “Bible studies” that are a front for nothing more than gossiping and exposing dirty laundry that emasculate and disgrace our spouse “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (Pr. 31:23).
No to ungodly dress, behaviors, or talk: “Do not take part in the sins of others, keep yourself pure” (1 Tim. 5:22b).
No to vulgar demonstrations of what the world sees as womanhood: “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place” (Eph. 5:4a).
No to boys who “honk” rather than walk to the door, shake my hand, and say hello (act like a man) when they dare to pick up my daughter for a date and respect her as the princess she is.
Today’s modern woman is weak. She is tossed about “like the waves of the sea,” “always searching, but never coming to an understanding of truth.” She dresses with “unholy attire”, seeks fulfillment from others, has lost her identity – because it is not in Christ alone. She speaks without giving any thought to the impact of her words – or her responsibility to future generations. She has left her children to be raised by others, as she pursues the never-ending quest for stature and purpose.
Today’s modern woman is demanding, vulgar, pompous, and arrogant. She is in relationship with the ungodly and unholy- yet she desperately seeks to be held to some degree of honor by serving a world without honor.
Today’s woman gives her body over freely without consideration of consequences, reputation, or repercussion. And in her quest for freedom, she finds herself in a prison of lust, dissatisfaction, degradation, humiliation, hopelessness, frustration, lack of purpose, and unfulfilled desire.
Only the Bible can bestow honor on a woman. Only the biblical woman is holy and worth that honor. Nothing can compare to a woman of God, her worth “is far above rubies” (Pr. 31:10). She is purposeful, intent, determined, and without fame or fortune. She is honorable, feminine, and strong enough to think about her words and deliver them with wisdom (Pr. 31:26).
The biblical woman is strong enough to take a stand, lose “friends,” family, and relationships who turn from the goodness of Christ to be liked by the world. Yes, she is strong enough to stand alone: “For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you” (1 Peter 4:3-4).
A submissive wife is allowed to be who God designed her to be because she holds her husband’s trust in her heart. She does nothing to embarrass or humiliate him. “She does him good not harm, all the days of his life.” (Proverbs 31:11-12). She knows who holds her future, her reputation, and her glory.
She is bold, emboldened by her husband. She is strong, empowered by her Christ. She is feminine, glorified by her King. She does not waiver. She does what needs to be done because she can – because she is a woman of God and she is to be praised (Proverbs 31:31).
-Holly T. Ashley
Holly T. Ashley is the founder of: R3 (Redemption, Restoration, Recovery) Domestic Violence Services and training. A division of Cross Strength Ministries, LLC a 501c3 non-profit Christ-centered organization.