Victimology 101: How Sociopathic Pastors Groom, Control, and Silence Women

Sexual and emotional abuse within the church often begins with confusion, not violence.
In cases involving sociopathic pastors and church leaders, victims are frequently groomed through charm, spiritual authority, and psychological manipulation — tactics that silence women and protect predators. This article examines the victimology behind these dynamics, exposing how sociopaths operate within religious communities and why victims struggle to reconcile what they experience with what they believe.

Her first reaction was shock.

Did he really just say that?

Her heart sank beneath the weight of her own disbelief.

He’s a pastor!

I’ve known him for years.

How could I even think that…

No……….. This is my imagination!

Dang! I am so vain!

So when it happened again, she brushed it off—telling herself it was just a misunderstanding, maybe even a strange kind of flattery she wasn’t mature enough to interpret.

She couldn’t tell her mother. After all he was her pastor!

Her friends wouldn’t understand either. After all, she was the one who had brought them to church because of him.

What if I am wrong! It could ruin him!

He didn’t mean it that way, she reasoned. He’s married! With children… children I babysit! How could I be so vain?

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But as time went on, his tone shifted—more suggestive, more deliberate. The comments crossed a line that no man, much less a pastor, should ever cross.

What began as a simple admiration of a charismatic teacher would become a time of mental and emotional tension that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

“He’s a pastor and a good man”
versus
“He just said something inappropriate to me.”

Cognitive Dissonance and Spiritual Warfare in Abuse Victims

The APA labels it as cognitive dissonance. The Bible declares it as spiritual warfare. It is confusing and it is traumatic.

And it is the plight of every domestic and sexual assault victim who has ever existed in human history.

She is caught between two truths that she desperately wants to make coexist. She tries to reconcile the irreconcilable: A task that simply cannot be done. Therefore, she minimizes, rationalizes, and even blames herself – Fearful, and rightfully so, that others will do the same to her.

The tools of a predator are easy to spot yet overwhelmingly overlooked and, sadly, too often defended.

The Psychology of Sociopathic Charm

A social force, especially when used to deceive and should never be underestimated, as it is the primary characteristic of a sociopath. They learn and develop this behavior to their benefit alone and leave a wake of victims in their past – and conned supporters at the helm, steering him to his next platform.

Victims we work with tell us the same things over and over: “He is the most charming person you will ever meet… He understood me… I felt as if I had known him my whole life…”

“Charm is deceitful…” (Pr. 31:30).

Risk-Seeking Behavior and Sexual Exploitation by Religious Leaders

Sociopathic men like these are drawn to danger. They thrive on the thrill of the forbidden — married men concealing affairs, leaders abusing their positions, fornication, alcoholism, manipulators convincing the young and impressionable that secrecy is “exciting,” that their relationship is “unique” and “special.”

These are men who use women to advance sexual deviancies and delusions. These are “those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions,” (2 Tim. 3:6). Challenging these women to accept his brand of “love” as one that “could not be understood and appreciated by anyone but her…”

How Communities Are Gaslit to Protect Predators

Gaslighting doesn’t end with the predator.

It spreads — like a contagion — through his admirers, followers, and supporters.

When the victim finally speaks, she is met with disbelief disguised as loyalty:

• “Why would such a man do something like that?”
• “He’s a good pastor.”
• “I’ve never seen him act that way.”

Those words may sound innocent, but to the victim, they are crushing. It is intimidating, bewildering, and unanswerable.

The very community that should protect her instead becomes an echo chamber for the abuser’s defense — replaying his charm, reciting his résumé, and reinforcing her silence.

Why the Church Confuses Loyalty with Faithfulness

This is not faithfulness; it is blindness.

And it is one of the cruelest weapons of all — the gaslighting of a congregation that mistakes charisma for character. And this pattern mirrors what we see repeatedly in domestic abuse cases within Christian communities (Predators in the pulpit).

Such men are conscienceless. Psychopaths, yes — but often cloaked in benevolence. They hide behind pulpits, ministries, and missions. Their “good works” become the mask that conceals their evil. And the greater the platform, the more brazen their behavior becomes — intoxicating, even hypnotic, to those under their influence.

What happens to us as adults? When did we stop confronting bullies in the school yard?

“Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them” (Eph 5:11).

Victim Advocacy vs. Biblical Advocacy

Many police stations and prosecutors have hired what they believe and call, “victim advocates.” But there is a distinct difference between the judicial term for advocate and the Christian’s term for advocate.

Law enforcement wants their case to be prosecuted. Prosecutors want their case to be “closed.” That is why they don’t care about the victim – only that she will agree to testify and that she do it their way.

I’m not bagging on the justice system – That’s what I expect from them. Simply put, we do not serve the same master.

But it doesn’t mean that Christians stay silent or sit back and shrug our shoulders and wring our hands. It certainly does not mean we present ourselves at the hearing on behalf of the predator!

What is wrong with you people!

“Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” (Eph 5:11).

I’m telling you the truth as a former jury profiler and current victim advocate with four decades in the field. so that you will understand the frustrations of victims, field advocates, and Christians who cannot – for the comprehension of anything holy and righteous – understand how the church could be so ignorant, blind, and flat-out wretched!

“Thus says the LORD: Do justice and righteousness, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor him who has been robbed.” (Jer. 22:3).

• Law enforcement is law enforcement for ONE purpose: enforce the law.
• Prosecutors have ONE job: Prosecute the crime.
• Judges have ONE job: Judge the case according to the law and then sentence the convicted according to the law.

Each has a lawful duty — but not a moral one.

Too often, they presume themselves to be society’s moral compass, particularly in regions steeped in cultural religion rather than biblical truth (i.e.: the “Bible-belt”).

Why the Church Must Stop Outsourcing Justice to the State

As the Church, we must stop expecting the government to do what God has commissioned His people to do. The justice system can enforce the law — if they so desire… But it is the church that has been commissioned to fight for justice, speak for the oppressed.

“Who rises up for me against the wicked? Who stands up for me against evildoers?” (Ps. 94:16).

Only the Church can proclaim truth, confront sin, and restore the broken.

Additionally, these government officials assume “we the people” lack discernment to govern our homes, churches, and communities according to God’s Word. So, they intervene — reducing evil to “rehabilitation,” offering plea deals to predators, probation to manipulators, and intimidation to the victims who dare to speak.

This is not justice.

This is moral confusion wearing a badge.

And maybe they have come to this conclusion from arrogance – but perhaps it’s because the Church has been sitting in the proverbial corner, thumbs in her mouth, silent and stunned, while the world burns and the wolves preach.

Biblical Justice vs. Man’s Justice

• Man’s justice is a system. God’s justice is a standard.
• In man’s system, “rehabilitation” replaces accountability.
• “Restorative justice” replaces God’s demand for consequences.

The fact is true: justice cannot exist apart from truth, and truth cannot exist apart from God. Without repentance, there is no reconciliation — only repetition (the judicial system calls this recidivism and cannot, for the life of them – or reelection of them, understand why it is so abundant!).

Only the Spirit of God can expose the darkness, confront the sin, and redeem the soul of both victim and offender.

But the church would rather live in the mythical allusion of free grace for all – as they buy into the psychopathic behaviors of the predator they diligently protect and defend.

This is why Cross Strength Ministries stands where the Church and the courts all to often fail — at the intersection of truth and grace.

We do not excuse sin. We expose it.

We do not enable predators. We confront them.

We do not comfort victims with shallow words. We lead them to the Healer who binds the brokenhearted and sets captives free – and we do it using the whole counsel of God.

A Call to Courage for Christian Men

It’s time to resurrect biblical manhood from the soy-milk graveyard of compromise and cowardice. God didn’t call His sons to be passive observers of evil but protectors of His daughters and leaders in righteousness.

Side note: To all the cowardly little boys who call, email, and text—pleading with us not to use your names: You are pathetic.

You think you’re giving us information to fight your battles, but you’re not warriors—you’re whisperers.

What you call “discretion” is nothing more than fear disguised as wisdom.

And while you gossip from the shadows, real men stand in the light and fight for truth.

The irony? The women you mock as “emotional” often show more courage than you ever have.

So, stop hiding behind half-truths and anonymous tips. If you have something to say, say it in the light.

Because cowardice dressed as caution still smells like fear.

This is why we launched the 180 Campaign — to equip the saints for service. So, men won’t cower in this time of evil, to train men to lead, defend, and disciple according to the Word of God.

It’s time to man up — because “cowards go to hell” (Rev. 21:8).

“As for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable… their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur” (Revelation 21:8).

Cowardice has no place in the Kingdom.
Silence is not safety.
And comfort is not compassion.

God is calling His Church to stand, speak, and fight for truth — with holy authority.

This is the charge of every redeemed man: Do justice. Protect the weak. Confront the wolf. And be found faithful.

“When justice is done, it is a joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.” (Pr. 21:15).

Even when the evildoer is within the walls of the Church itself.

We advocate — not because it’s our profession, but because it’s our commission.

We believe the words of the prophet Micah still ring true today:

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?”— Micah 6:8

True justice demands humility before God.
True advocacy demands courage before men.
And true healing demands repentance at the foot of the Cross.

Because in the end, man’s courtroom may close a case — But it is God’s courtroom where the final judgement matters.

-Holly T. Ashley

Cross Strength Ministries

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