Oh did I type that outloud?
From Holly’s Book, “Barefoot, Naked, and in the Kitchen”
“Do not deny yourselves to one another….” (1 Cor. 7:5).
So your husband wants sex. But how do you know? He’s a man and the day ends in “y?” Or maybe…. He has “hinted” about it all day through subliminal text messages.He has brought you flowers and has done nothing wrong. He is a man. It’s been six days…. six weeks… Or maybe he has rolled he eyes and pleaded: “Can you help a fella out?????”
Or maybe he just got home from work and walked through the door….
He is a man.
So what is your answer to any and all of the above?
The answer to your husband’s request is simple. It is:
Right here in the kitchen… or…?
Lets do it
By all means
Lets get naked!
Let me make this perfectly clear. You do not have a headache. There is nothing wrong with you. You’re not too busy, or too tired… You don’t need to get somewhere or do something, the kids are fine. You do not need to be “in the mood” –
It is always, “Yes baby.”
That’s all there is to it….
Okay, so I was going to end there, but of course I won’t.
So, since there is always someone who has something to say to me about this and they always let me know on one social media outlet or another… and usually anonymously… I will address them here:
Note: These are some of the most repetitious, actual comments & questions made by readers:
Statement #1: “Holly, call me judgmental, but your statement seems a little strange to me…. Scripture gives reasons for abstaining…
My response: My guess is that you forgot the second half of that Scripture where it defines the reason: “for a mutual agreed upon time… for prayer.”
The complete Scriptural instruction is: “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Cor. 7:5).
Therefore, if the TWO of you have MUTUALLY agreed to take some time out of your busy sex-life to DEVOTE yourself to prayer – then by all means, skip it. BUT – beware, if you put it off for too long- you are opening your marriage up to Satan’s temptations.
Statement #2: What about after a baby is born or you have a disc bulging in your back? There should be grace shown to one another during different stages and situations in life….
My response: Seriously?! So what you are telling me is that you are married to an insensitive husband who is prone to defile you? Apply 1 Cor. 7:5, leave and go get counseling.
Statement #3: (from a man) “Want your spouse to be intimate with you? Do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, change the sheets, do laundry.”
My response: Performance driven sex…. Well that is just lovely. Women, if you have emasculated your man (more than likely in the presence of your children and/or others) by making him feel as if he has to do…. In order to receive… first, you are out of order, you are not God. There is no “if he does this… then you can…” No.
The Bible says to “Love” your husband. Period. Sex makes him happy. Sex shows him, that no matter how you feel – His feelings are more important to you. Sex is the expression of love for your spouse – it is not ever, performance driven by duty or chores.
Sex is not a weapon.
Sex, as God designed it, between a husband and a wife, is not dirty, vulgar, or mundane… especially in a Christ-centered relationship. It is a beautiful expression of two people who love each other and are enticed by one another. It is the ultimate result of God’s love between two people.
Might I suggest… And I’m not trying to be vulgar – But rather Biblical – While reading the Song of Solomon, please note – When they talk about eating the “choice fruit,” it most certainly is not referring to an apple:
Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with all choicest fruits, henna with nard, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all choice spices— a garden fountain, a well of living water, and flowing streams from Lebanon. Awake, O north wind, and come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, let its spices flow. Let my beloved come to his garden, and eat its choicest fruits. (SOS 4:13-16).
Let your husband know that he has an “open invitation” to come into his garden.
Side note: Once again, I am not writing this to those who have issues with pornography or want to bring another person or fantasy into the relationship in any fashion – I am referring to two MARRIED Christian couples who need to remember that sex is awesome, good, wholesome and holy.
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Heb. 13:4).
“Therefore, if the TWO of you have MUTUALLY agreed to take some time out of your busy sex-life to DEVOTE yourself to prayer – then by all means, skip it.”
Ha! That cracked me up. Well said.
I agree with you of course, and I think one problem we have today is that a lot of wives just don’t understand how important sex is to men, how hurtful it can be to constantly reject them. For them it’s relationship, connection, intimacy. It’s how they, “talk about their feelings.” So a husband not having sex is a bit like a wife not being able to talk.
This was very sweet too, “Let your husband know that he has an “open invitation” to come into his garden.”
Well said!!! Thank you!