Holly T. Ashley

Oh did I type that outloud?

Define Love.

I think what shocked me the most after watching this press conference of such a sad, sad commentary on Mr. William’s life- was the fact that he died alone. So very much alone, that his wife had to be notified of his death.

Williams and His wife, Susan Schneider had only been married since 2011. How tragic.


News reports stated that Mr. Williams had completed three films and had just signed on to do a sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire, which I am sure all of you in my age bracket, wish would have been made.

Even though I did not care for “The Crazy Ones,” the television sitcom that Williams was in, I did care for Robin Williams- so, my husband and I tried to watch it and even had it on our Direct TV box to record… but when it was cancelled I secretly wondered how Mr. Williams would respond.

Maybe it is my background and history with drug offenders or I could see it in his eyes as I watched him on television try so desperately to hide his life with humor- but whatever it was, I knew that the cancellation would result in something tragic happening.

I know these things… I can’t explain it – but sometimes God just puts the strangest things on my heart – the strangest people… that I have never met…

But in this case Mr. Williams was a sad man, and there are many, many more like him out there- what is worrisome to me- is their wives. Where are these women? Why are they not helping their man.

And before you spout off and tell me about how much you tried – remember I was married to an alcoholic, drug addict/womanizer for 17 years- I get it.

But to not just be sleeping in separate bedrooms after only 3 years of marriage- but to go to bed without each other!

Without each other?

Do you do that?

Don’t do that. Please, don’t do that.

To wake up and not have your spouse next to you- (especially when you are battling addiction and/or depression – which, by the way go hand in hand… not to mention they also go hand in hand with the age bracket Mr. Williams was in)… How devastating!

For a woman to find out that her husband had killed himself sometime after 10am…. by his assistant… because she wasn’t home, she didn’t know because she did not sit with him that night, she went to bed.. her bedroom… without him. She did not make his breakfast the next morning- let alone bring him his coffee to check on him… She did not knock on his door to give him his morning kiss…

No, she just left him… alone.

Yeah that gives me a greater insight as to the type of people in Mr. Williams’ life. People who did not love him.

Love – what is your definition of love?

I asked this question yesterday on Facebook (yesterday morning… before the news even broke… it was on my heart.. heavy on my heart)

I got 2 responses. One from my theologian husband, the other a woman who said it was too broad to define….

Jesus made it easy- “This is love,” He said… “To lay down your life…”

Do you lay down your life for your spouse?

People in our world think love is a feeling inside them- but its not. The “feeling” you get is the result. How long it lasts is determined by what you DO. The metaphor used quite often is that of a fire – your “feeling” is a fire- you have to stoke it, stir it up, work at it, to keep it going- or else its just a burning ember that eventually dies out.

Love is a verb.

But like I said, there are many, many more men out there just like Mr. Williams and as women, we are called to be their helper. Commanded. After all that is the ONLY reason we were made… well that and have HIS children, that carry on HIS name, HIS legacy….

I hate to give you a wake up call women- but that is your purpose – to be man’s helper.

So, if your husband is battling depression, an addiction… whatever- don’t let him be lonely too.

Even if you only sit with him without a word spoken, make dinners that he doesn’t eat, meet him at the door to be passed by, lay next to him in a bed that is as cold as ice- you do it.

Eventually, they respond one way or another- but we… women… still have to do the right thing. Stand by your man.

I’m about to get my book on the shelves and I pray you will read it. It’s about learning to love your husband a little differently. Its about understanding your role as a woman and as a wife.

Let him know you love him. You honor him, You respect him- to him, it’s the only thing that means anything to him.

If we learn anything from Mr. Williams’ death- let it be the stark reality that no matter how much money, fame, fortune, “friends,” you appear to have- if your heart feels unloved and unworthy then life isn’t worth living – and our role as a wife is to make sure that we do not add to that pain.

#hollytashley #RobinWilliams


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One comment on “Define Love.

  1. Pingback: Define Love. | Body and Soul

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